A Recipe For Disaster: SingaPoorMan's "Asian-Un-inspired" Salad

Step 1 - Have a look in fridge - Just some wine really - where's all the food?

Oh, there it is...outside...

Recipe:

Juice of 2 limes - make sure all the pips fall in the bowl so you have to fish them out
2 tablespoons of Fish Sauce - far too much - you'll regret that later
2 teaspoons Peanut Butter (preferable Skippys Low Cal one cos it tastes too sweet)

Stir around a bit until it looks like it's curdled - it probably has

Taste it - disgusting isn't it?

Splash of water to try to "emulsify" the curdling and add a couple of spoons more of the Peanut Butter

Looks Ok huh?

Add 2 large tablespoons or dessert spoons of Thai Chili Sauce (it doesn't really matter it'll taste rank anyway)

All at once it tastes too sweet, too salty and too acidic - waddayadonow?

Put some more sugar in? Might as well!

Get some fresh chili in it! (whole big red one...chop it up)

Ginger grated - most of a root should do

Some coriander leaf - tonnes of the stuff

Taste.....and it's awful!

Panic!

Open up some coconut milk to tame the excessive flavours - pour in as much as you want as it won't make a blind bit of difference

Still tastes too sweet, salty and acidic? - how is this possible?

Construct your salad:

Slice lettuce
Grate carrot
Slice cucumber
Slice red onion
Pick some mint leaves out of the fading bunch you bought a week ago

Look good? Actually it does!

Now, go and ruin it by pouring the melted chili flavoured Snickers bar all over it

Tasted a bit like nutty salad cream really

The End